Aging Well

It is only when we truly understand that we have a limited time on earth... that we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it is the only one we had." Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, MD

In a culture obsessed with youth and vitality, wired to 24/7 technology, and surrounded by frenetic activity, it can be difficult to hear the music that is soundless, to hearken to the language of the heart, to awaken the intellect to ponder the ageless questions that have occupied the minds and hearts of women and men for millennia past. Across continents and as long as there have been people, we humans have gathered together to explore meaning and to wonder at the age-old questions:
 

Why am I here? What is the meaning of my life? What will become of me?

In simpler times, when neighborhoods and communities were intact and families were nuclear rather than far-flung, it was easier to osmose the learned intergenerational wisdom needed to travel healthfully into aging and on towards death. Today, the fragmentation of family and the dissolution of community have left us bereft of the wisdom infrastructure we need to accomplish our age-old tasks-the tasks necessary for us to live fully and with courage whatever time lies between now and eternity.

Thankfully, there is a wealth of inspiration within the fields of psychology, philosophy, theology, art, literature, and music which can serve as guideposts for our journey-and when we add to that knowledge the hidden well-springs of resilience and reservoirs of transcendence within each of us, we have, whether we know it or not, the GPS system we need to proceed forward with clarity, tenacity, and courage.

Modern psychology has, in a sense, provided some of the rubrics for explaining our struggles with aging and fear of death. Ernest Becker, who wrote the Pulitzer Prize winning book The Denial of Death, discusses how repression of our own mortality affects human behavior negatively and is the cause of elemental anxiety and depression. Conversely, according to Becker, "When we see a man bravely facing his own extinction, we rehearse the greatest victory we can imagine."

Psychologist Abraham Maslow identified what he called the 'Jonas Syndrome' a way in which some of us attempt to escape the full intensity of life-and, through fear of our own greatness, evade our personal destiny, block our potential for becoming fully human and miss out on becoming 'self-actualized.'

The psychologist Erik Erikson describes the human life cycle in terms of a natural sequence of challenges or "crises" corresponding to the different stages of life. Each challenge can be understood as ultimately a choice between two opposite possibilities or orientations, and successful resolution of the challenge results in a strength specific to that stage of life.

For Erikson, the two stages of later life are "maturity" and "old age." The challenge or "crisis" of maturity is generativity versus stagnation or self-absorption, and the successful resolution of those competing orientations results in the emergence of the strength he calls "Care." Similarly, the challenge or "crisis" of old age is integrity versus despair, and the successful resolution of those competing orientations is the emergence of Wisdom.

Robert Spitzer, a philosopher, physicist, and Jesuit who is the President of Gonzaga University, has developed a model for self-transcendent growth. In his book The Spirit of Leadership: Optimizing Creativity and Change in Organizations, Spitzer provides the rubrics for growing through the crises that Erikson details above, along with other more specific ways to avoid stagnation and self-absorption and to attain higher levels of personal happiness. Spitzer has consulted widely on organizational effectiveness. In addition to providing the building blocks for individual transformation, Spitzer's Four Levels of Happiness forms the template of organizational management and leadership programs for CEOs and fortune 500 companies.

The essence of The Four Levels of Happiness boils down to this: There are four basic drivers for personality or markers for growth which, in one form or another, form the backbone of 3,500 years of wisdom traditions as diverse as Buddhism and Christianity, Hinduism and Judaism. Thinkers ranging from Plato and Aristotle to Augustine and Sartre, Kierkegaard and Carl Jung, Maslow and Erikson, have all reflected on the phases of our journey through life and on towards death.

According to Spitzer these levels of happiness, which are common elements of our human heritage, 

"Reflect not only what moves us in our heart of hearts, but the ideals toward which we aspire, the relationships we seek, the worth we attribute to ourselves and others, our sense of wellbeing, of hope, and of groundedness. They are at once the sources of our sense of autonomy, self-possession, self-communication, love, self-transcendence, faith, and even our communion with a higher power or God. We return to them more often than any other concept or image. Our lives are imbued with them."

Philosophers, of course, have been at the subject of wisdom and meaning since far before the time of Socrates, indeed, perhaps even before the cave drawings left for us by our ancestors from long, long ago. Socrates himself describes the 'golden thread' of transcendence that connects we who are human with one another and with the good beyond our selves. In Plato's allegory of the cave, Socrates teaches us that if all we allow ourselves to experience in life is the shadows of reflected light, we miss out on what is real and true, even if painful and at times difficult.

We humans have sought to illuminate our world with manuscripts and symphonies, sculptures and paintings, all the while attempting to evoke meaning and reflect transcendent beauty, love, purpose, and glory. So it is that when we face the inevitability of our own aging and the eventuality of our death, we are standing in solidarity with every human who has ever lived, in every place, at every time.

We are not alone-and we never will be alone-not in this-not ever. In this endeavor, this great equalizer, we stand shoulder to shoulder with our parents and their parents, with our ancestors near and far. The wisdom of the past intermingles with our hope for the future.